Today I would like to write the story of Debra (invented name), a young mother of 3 at her second experience as a surrogate. I met Debra after her last ultrasound here, at Western Fertility Institute. She is 10 weeks pregnant with a baby boy for a gay couple from the US. After the visit, we talked about her journey and thanks to that, I discovered her interesting story. As Debra told me, she wanted to be a surrogate since she was 19 years old. She heard about surrogacy thanks to her aunt Emily (invented name).
“My aunt was a surrogate too while I was carrying my first child. We were pregnant together, I was carrying my older son, while she was carrying a baby for a gay couple in Northern California. It was an amazing experience, for both of us. My aunt was a traditional surrogate, it means that she used her eggs. Her egg was fertilized with the sperm of one of the intended fathers”.
She told me that she couldn’t have done the traditional surrogacy, like her aunt did because, in that case, she would have considered the baby as hers. As Debra highlighted during the interview:
“My eggs are my genetic. It is like give up a part of me. With the gestational surrogacy nothing of me is shared with the baby. The embryo I am carrying has nothing of me. I am just cooking him, but he belongs to his parents”.
Debra wanted her family to be completed before being a surrogate; she took this decision especially for her children, because she wanted to protect them and she wanted to be sure they were old enough to understand what surrogacy was. She knew her kids already had experiences of surrogacy, due to her aunt; but she wanted to explain to them and listen to their ideas about it.
“Just after my last pregnancy, when I was 25, I closed my tubes, because I felt my family was complete. I had my kids, I was happy. After a while I started to talk about surrogacy to my children, I introduced the concept of surrogacy to them and I asked their thoughts about it. They were old enough to understand that and to tell me if they were okay with it. My older son asked me if I wanted to do this thing (pregnancy) again to my body. I found it a very cute, as I enjoyed all my previous pregnancies”.
Debra had a previous experience with a local straight couple. The intended mother wasn’t able to carry a pregnancy, so Debra carried a baby girl for her. In according with Debra, she felt sorry for the intended mother, unable to experience the pregnancy and have a child herself. After meeting the couple, she wanted to carry for them, because she wanted to give the joy of being a mother to another woman.
She told me how much that experience was intense for her.
“I had a very wonderful experience with them. They were not living far from me, so sometimes we were having meetings during the whole pregnancy. At the delivery we both cried. I cried because I saw the emotions that the parents were feeling holding their little one”.
As Debra told me, she decided to carry again for a gay couple, because she wanted to have a complete experience of surrogacy.
“I had a previous wonderful journey, I really loved it. I wanted to do it again. I have a lot of gay people in my family and I know they need help to have children. This is how I have chosen my second couple. At this time, I wanted to carry twins. But just one embryo attached. And this is it: I am 10 weeks pregnant with a little baby boy.”