Jessica was 29 years old when she considered surrogacy for the first time. After several years of trying to get pregnant, DeAnna asked her friend Jessica if she knew anyone who was willing to be a surrogate. Jessica proposed herself because she wanted to help her friend to become a mother.
Jessica was a traditional surrogate, which means she used her eggs and the sperm of DeAnna’s husband. Some embryos were created through IVF and she got pregnant with twins, as she said “pretty much at the first try”.
Below, is part one of a long interview with Jessica and DeAnna. In this section, they describe their experience of pregnancy and delivery.
DeAnna: As far of the relationship and how I went through the pregnancy with Jessica, I went to every appointment that we had with the doctors. I was there for every ultrasound and every chance that I had to see the babies. But I didn’t feel it. The pregnancy was more an outside thing to me. I got just the things from the ultrasound, and Jessica was sending me some videos in where I saw the tummy moves. I just lived through every ultrasound, because it was pretty much what I had.
Jessica: When you deliver with twins, you can just have one person in the room for the actual delivery (because I had to deliver in an emergency delivery room). I actually chose to have the intended mother to be the one next to me. Not my wife, not someone that would be more connected to me. I chose to have the intended mother in the delivery room, because I wanted to give her as much of that real birthing experience as she could possibly have. And DeAnna was right there with me for absolutely every part of it, including the crazy delivery of her daughter which was a very chaotic delivery. The baby did not cry at first…it felt like an eternity, even if it was only 10 seconds. And instead of leaving me, DeAnna stayed with me. Even when we were waiting for this cry to happen, she still stayed with me. And I just felt extremely connected to her during that. She was there for every single ounce of it. I was so glad to give that to her. She could be part of that birthing process, as much as I was. I mean, I squeezed her hands hard enough and I am sure she felt it.
DeAnna: And I was so grateful for that. During the pregnancy we had some events. We had an event at 13weeks, where Jessica had SCH. She bled a lot. And she thought that she could be losing the babies, even the emergency room thought that she was losing the babies. For me, Jessica was going to be the first priority. My heart would break, I would be devastated if something happened to the babies, but I was there and I was there for Jessica, because she was the one going through it. She was the one giving us this gift. She was doing it for us, and yes, I wanted the babies but, you know, at the end of the day, the first thing that went out of my mouth wasn’t: “How is the baby?”, but it was: “How are you? How are you doing? How are you feeling?”. This is how I looked at the entire process.
In the delivery room, I was so afraid that I was not going to be able to be in there, but I just had to be ok with that. It is up to her, she is giving birth. This is a freaking big deal. So, I was just so grateful when she said that I could be in there. I was in there, and I was going to do everything I could to make it. I earned my worth for being in there, and I was going to be there for Jessica. When the doctor said: “Come on, push!”. I was right behind her and I was helping her pushing. And we did it! She remembers, when Phoebe was born, it was very traumatic. The NICU nurses were very nervous, but Jessica and I stayed cheek to cheek, I was there…
Jessica: She could rush to the baby, but she didn’t.
DeAnna: I was down here, and we were talking to each other. It was: “Why is she not breathing? Why is she not screaming? I don’t know, I don’t know.” And then, boom, she cried and everything was good. But the most important thing in that moment was Jessica.
Thank You Jessica and DeAnna for the amazing story you shared with us!